I can't believe I have to stay here for another weekend. Things just keep getting stranger and stranger.

I've Seen the Inside of the Town's Only Jail Cell

Yup, that's right. As I dozed in my bed at 9:00 am on Saturday morning, petting my kitten and enjoying the sunshine, I got a telephone call. It was my good friend Officer Troy from the local R.C.M.P. detachement. I've met Troy once before. He came to my house to get a statement from me - for a crime that was never committed. For those of you that don't recal, my excitable landlord called the cops because one of my doors was left unlocked for a weekend and the door blew open. My landlord thought that someone must have broken in, even though there was no one in my house (the doors allowing access into my house were locked, but the one to the porch was the one that blew open), and nothing was taken, and nothing was amiss. However, they took fingerprints, and some other things that were on my porch to gather prints and DNA evidence. For fucks sake.

Back to the phone call. Troy told me that they need to get my fingerprints now to determine if the fingerprints they did find were indeed mine. Well, I could tell you right now, YES. Anyway, not one to be difficult, I said yes. He asked me when I could come. I told him I had company arriving from out of town that afternoon, so it would have to be after that. As it turns out, he wanted me to come in right away. He asked me if he woke me up (uhm, HELLO?? It's 9 am on a Saturday. Of course you woke me up, jerk.). So, off I go. It was pretty hot outside by the time I dressed and made my way down there. He brought me in to the station (that's just what I need.. the community to see me going in there.. but I digress). He led me to the jail cell. I gotta say, I was a little nervous. One of the things they took out of my porch contained some.. well.. incriminating evidence, and I thought for a few moments I might be put into the slammer. Of course, I was just being paranoid. Troy took my prints. For those of you that don't know, fingerprinting ink is hard to get off, even with the special soap they provide. I had ink on me for the rest of the day. Troy asked me what I wanted done with the prints, after they were sent to the lab. He told me they could be distroyed, kept on file, or I could have them. Hell ya! I'm getting that puppy framed. Maybe I'll get a mugshot of myself, too.

So, that was Saturday morning. Good times.

Saturday afternoon, my aunt and her new husband arrived, with lots of booty for me (new patio chairs and a coffee table, both of which I got for my birthday, plus some odds and ends, namely my GST cheque. Woo.). After some small talk and a few drinks, I took them around town, which took all of 10 minutes. We stopped at the "Visitors Center" and walked along the walking path. Highlights included the man-made rapids, and the walking path that had no railings, on the age of previously mentioned man-made death rapids. Oh, and there was a bridge. That was sort of pretty.

"I Have to Poop"

After the tour, we went for supper at the marginally nicer of the 2 restaurants here (if you don't count the hospital cafeteria and the 2 take-outs house in converted camper-trailers). After supper, it was back home for more drinks. Oh, and crazy people. One of my landlords (many) brothers stopped in to say hi. His name is Keith. Now, Keith stopped in unannounced a few weeks ago. I had just gotten in for the weekend, so I was a little frazzled. I was just wearing a small tank top (hello titties) and was trying to unpack, pay attention to my kitty, and check phone messages, when he showed up. See, his mother used to live in the house I am renting, so he wanted to take a look around. He talked about how much he missed her, etc, etc. He eventually left, but he was a little creepy. So, he was back. This time we brought along his granddaughter.

I don't like kids.

She came in and wanted to see my cat. Then she refused to come back outside where we were all sitting (my house is NO PLACE for a young child...). Eventually she came back out. Keith was smoking with my aunt and her husband. I think it was the longest cigarette ever. He just KEPT TALKING. He smoked the cigarette PAST THE FILTER. His granddaughter also had this mosquito bites on her eyes, and I just couldn't look at it cuz it was gross. After a bit, she pulled on the arm of Keith and whispered in his year "I have to poop". Oh, supper. Keith asked me if that was okay. Well, of course it was.. I didn't want kid-poop on my new patio furniture.

So, I led her inside and showed her the bathroom. She pulled down her pants in front of me. Woah. So I said "how's about I just shut the door..".. She yelled "I DON'T LIKE HAVING THE DOOR SHUT WHEN I POOP." Well, uhm, okay. So, she sat on the cat, petting my cat with her dirty, germ ridden hands. She finished (I assume), pulled up her britches, then picked up my cat and walked out. I went into the washroom to find little poos and some tissue paper.

Eeeeuuuch.

So, after I once again insisted that we go outside, her grandfather asked if he could use my facilities. Now, normally I wouldn't be such a bathroom nazi, but he lives across the river. I can see his house from my porch, and it is about a 1 minute drive. So, unless he was planning on sticking around for a while...

Jesusmaryandjoseph. NO.

Not to mention, this particular gentlemen has seen way more of my anatomy than I would care for - not to mention the thong and leopard print underwear that was currently hanging off my clotheline, attached to my porch. This guy has seen way to much of personables, and I really don't want him going through my bathroom where he could possibly collect hair samples.

I begrundingly let him in my house. I figured at the very least he would flush the child-poop for me. Thankfully, he closed the door.

So, eventually, after about 10 more minutes of mindless chatting about insurance and the government, he left.

Then came the music.

I hesitate writing about this, because it makes me sound like an old fart. However, there was incessant hip-hop music (with extra bass, please) until 3am. I wouldn't mind it that much, but I had company, so I felt pretty bad.

I better finish off this mammoth post. This weekend has cemented in my head that I need to get outta here. Yeesh.